amaze me machine. | home
soup de jour.
it wasn't the same way i remembered it
when everything was happy and different
but when i look real closely at the minute details
i see how contorted everything was and sad as rain
like when we were running almost nakedly through
the downpour kicking chunks of mud
the size of our fists
like that was something exciting for me
not like i remembered so much
as when at night the muscles in my legs would
pull together and i would scream
in the back of my head like it would never end
when shortly after i would see
your scary face in the dark looked like a murderer
and the boys knew about as much
as they do fifteen months later
they'd go swimming everyday and tell me to go with them
but i was reluctant to show my bony ribs
and pale complexion to everyone else
only to be compared to tan skinned blonde girls
who had known nothing their whole life but
being the center of attention
like i had almost forgotten
when the girl who could sing so well
sat making her candle holder
out of paper would sing to her holder
so i heard her and cringed
when she laughed
was mean as ever
in the bunk bed house
infested with bugs and stench
i sat there for 120 hours
a working week
a simple stretch for the rest
yet when i look back at the joy
as false as it is
my head which
has turned even my thoughts
into a deformed jumble of falseness
which is making my life something it is not.
looking back it's not how i remember
looking back it has placed these events in
a false order laying each one
oh god, around it.